I've always been the type of person who liked to write things down, i enjoyed writing at school creating my own stories and even writing essays although i didn't always find it easy, there's something satisfying about seeing your work on a page. I think there's always been this fantastical secrecy surrounding keeping a diary, you often see people who keep them in books or films and they are a way of escaping or shutting away how you really feel.
For me however, it's always been a much harder challenge. I found that i was writing basically the same things everyday, i didn't really feel like it was helping me and i didn't enjoy it either. It was a challenge to remind myself to write in it everyday and i never got the sense that every time i'd shut my notebook i was closing off what i had wrote about or that particular day was now a memory. It always felt so false. Every time after a few days i would give up and forget about it . And then the cycle would repeat.
More recently however, with so much that's changed in life and mental health. I've found that i just want somewhere that's mine. Somewhere i can just talk and ramble and not so much worry about what other people may think or judge. I decided to pick up a cheap notebook from my local pound store. Nothing fancy just a marvel print with spiral binding and an elasticated band to keep it shut. I didn't want to spend a lot of money on something that i was unsure i was going to use. But i also wanted a notebook that i liked the look of. I know that may not have a lot of relevance to what's actually inside the book but to me i think it helps.
After getting my notebook i immediately went home and started to write. I told myself don't hold back write exactly what you think, feel and more importantly what you need to, and i found that i wrote a lot. It wasn't the same as writing before, i actually wrote it and after closing my book felt like a weight had been lifted of my shoulders. It's such an interesting feeling knowing that a notebook or a journal or a diary can hold so many of your thoughts, yet you may never want to read them again, no one is probably ever going to read what you have wrote. But it's so comforting knowing if you want to go back and re live what you wrote you can.
I've had my notebook for a few weeks know and i can say that i am most definitely still using it and always look forward to writing in it because i'm not restricting myself to writing in it everyday. This is something that has helped me the last few weeks and i've felt alot happier just getting it all off my chest then being able to move on.