Last September huge things changed for me. I left school, started college, met new people and faced serious changes in my mental health.
Reflecting back on school, I never hated school in fact I think I was one of the few who actually didn't mind it that much. My whole school experience I worked hard and kept my head down and was overall a good student. Towards the end of Year 11 however, I felt ready to leave. It was almost like I had “outgrown” both the environment and the people and I know that sounds slightly strange and ridiculous but I really didn’t enjoy it anymore and I think I just was ready to move on and grow-up , something I think school does prevent you from doing at times. Over the summer I was a nervous wreck, I had constant anxiety about starting college and I found myself having frequent panic attacks over it. Mentally I was in a bad place.
Starting college however, was very different than what I had expected. I suddenly had a new found confidence that I normally wouldn’t of had, I made new friends and even met my (Ex) boyfriend who is now one of my best friends. Over the year I established myself as one of the high achievers within the group and by the end of the year it was apparent to me I was going to get the grade I wanted. Now that’s not me being arrogant because I did work my butt off and I’m glad I did because getting the grade was so worth all the late nights, long essays and constant annotations. But the year did also come with more lows not only the break up, but being diagnosed with a disability, struggling with my health and problems at home always managed to creep up on me.
Now with just a week until I start back at college I have to look at where I am now. Am I feeling better mentally? for that I’d say I’m still recovering and re-building but knowing that I am doing it now makes me feel so much better. Disability? Knowing that college are aware defiantly has helped me because It means that when I’m having a bit of a meltdown or need 5 minutes I can go and have them without being questioned and coming to terms with it has been again a lot easier because other people now understand it. Home? Home is always going to be a constant nightmare for any teenager, but things are improving and it’s much easier.
I suppose what I really want to put across is that taking time to reflect is something that the more you do the more you can laugh and learn and grow from. Starting back I still have some of the same anxieties and worries and if I’m honest it’s also a mixed emotion. But I also know that this isn’t going to last forever and I have to now start to decide what is next for me and where this will take me in the future.